.them.and.me.

So, I'm not going to say NAMES but I will say nicknames or initials.
The following is the reason why I feel like I can't move on. . .

It all begins with "teeny tiny". [my 1st]
So, we were cool. Talked off & on, decided to chill. Truth be told I pegged dude for being "the bait". But clothes off pants down. . .you get the nickname now? .lol.
So I was mad surprised when I ended up with a [surprise] and he flipped the script on me. .BLOWER. That effected me for about 2months then I [fixed] it and kept it moving. no harsh feelings.
------
Now we move on to "Mr. CoCo". [would have married]
He's the most [known] out of all the others. Truly thought he was [mr. perfect]. I must have been lusting over dude since I met him but there was nothing serious. He was on & off with his gf and finally they broke up. We'd been cool for a while but I wanted more. . .he will return later.
------
Then, there is the "military guy". [needed to read the BOOK, not just the cover]
Talk about WEIRD! So fucking controlling! Now, I thought he was different at first. He was independent, had his shit together but DAMN. Dude was trying to wife me after one meet and greet. After being around him I realized I wasn't as attracted to him as I thought and moved on. But he didn't! he would randomly call me off and on for months. I guess he finally got the picture but who is to say he won't call again?
------
And we come to. . ."K". [my 2nd]
He never needed a nickname. He had just about everything I wanted in a guy (so i thought). Good job, apartment, car, etc. He was so sweet. We weren't a couple but no one would think we weren't. This went on for weeks. He even met and chilled with 2 of my close friends but I'm not even sure WHY we stopped talking. I mean if I cook & clean and you're not even my dude I deserve an explanation!
------
Now there's "TJ". [total FLIP of the SCRIPT]
He finally gets over me being a "youngin" and we go out like twice a week for a few weeks. He texts me all day everyday. He even calls. . .wow. Gives off that "caring" appeal and everything seems to be cool. Even my friends thought he would be around for a while BUT no. . .another FLIP of the SCRIPT. You really expected me to be sexually experienced after what I told you?? Dude THINK please! .BLOWER.
------
Then we get back to "Mr. CoCo".
Now why oh why did I even overstep the friend line?? We we cool being just friends then we decided to "chill" alone. MISTAKE. Even with the little we did nothing went back to the same. he made things awkward! And then we stopped talking. . .WTF is that about?? .ugh.
------
Now, last but not least is "Mr. Prezident". [would've married #2]
Pre-med student. Works. Personality on POINT! Now, this one was a complete BLOWER. I mean everything was going good. Real chill. Then he starts acting different. Not returning txt and calls so I give him the [treatment] and he doesn't past. A month later he [explains] saying he just needed to slow down. . .and you couldn't explain that before? WTF. You don't just cut people off because of that! .smh.
------
So that leads us to THE PRESENT.
I'm not saying I blame everything on .them. but who else is there to partially blame? I really don't understand what keeps happening and WHY it's happening to me! Before .them. there was "S". But I mean after a year we really just grew apart. And now we're close friends. So now, I can't really fade the "casual" relationship thing. I like to be content and constant. I just need one person. Is that too much to ask? And now there's "M" but I'm not even trying to go there because like all those before, he seems [too good to be true] and 'm not trying to go through another [FLIP of the SCRIPT]!

WHY ME??

Jealous Bitches! [VENTING]

Ok, so I KNOW I have been jealous before and will probably be jealous again.
That's Life!
But why are bitches always hating?!?!
I mean damn can I enjoy my glory without your fucking comments and shit?!?!
DAMN!
Now, if you knew you were already jealous then don't keep asking about the shit
I mean DAMN! lol

So, tired of bitches asking questions then trying to act like they don't care when they jealous!
I mean if you jealous then keep your fucking mouth shut!

And don't let it be about a dude I had that they wanted. Or the dude liked me and didn't like them. . .
WE are suppose to stick together!
Dudes are not suppose to be the cause of female conflict!
COME ON BITCH HE DONT WANT YOU!
GET OVER IT!

LLS.

♥

Goodbye. (Poem)

I believed you where what I wanted, needed and longed for
I believed you could be my everything
I believed you would one day open up and realize that I belonged to you
I believed we were meant to be
I believed WRONG.

All the thoughts
the dreams
the emotions
the poems
the feelings
the time
my time wasted
your time never really there.
my mind wondering
your mind focusing elsewhere

I believed you would be my everything.
I believed wrong.
I believed we could be together despite our different stages in life
I believed wrong.

Now I'm not sure if I believed any of it at all.
Not sure if I ever really cared as much as I thought.
Not sure if you ever really cared at all.

I am now saying goodbye.

To the memories of us.
You. Her. Me. Talking. Texting. Staring. Wondering.
LUSTING because it was never truly love.

I'm not saying I will ever forget but I will move on.
No regrets.

You went left.
I choose to stand in the middle and wait for your return but not anymore.
I'm going right.
And hopefully when we meet up again in the future my feelings will have evolved into LOVE for another.
LOVE so strong that I won't have to even wonder what it would have been like with you.

Goodbye Mr. CoCo.

♥
10.25.09

Back to ME!

So a lot of people LOVE my short cut.
They LOVE the "natural" look. . .it was a PERM people! .smh. lls
But ME. . .i like to be able to just GO!
I don't want to have to worry about if my hair is going to "work" today.
Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the short cut for the time it lasted BUT I had to go back to ME!

They call me the "WEAVE QUEEN".
IM BACK!!!

So, for now, until my hair grows to a point where I can maintain it myself without a perm. . .IM WEAVED UP!! :-)

Daily Venting!

Alrighty!!!
Back to this DAILY VENTING!

So, my 8am class was canceled for the day and I left out later so I could get to my 9:30 a few minutes early. METRO had delays. BUT, I got to class just in time. Class went ok then I went to get lunch in the caf and realized I had only put on one earring. LOL.
That was basically the end of the bad part.

Moving on. . .

So, I understand that most people have people that they will look up to and what not but DO NOT "become" that person! Be YOU!

Moving on. . .

I'm going back to my BRAIDS! EXTRA EXTRA HAPPY!
Going to rally up some new bait this weekend. lls

Done.♥

Future Plans

I sit and I think. . .
About my future
All the things I want to accomplish.
All the places I want to see.
All the people I wish to meet.
Who I am now. What I do now. Where I go now.
Will determine my future
I am a WRITER. aspiring PUBLICIST. future BUSINESS OWNER.
I go to school. I work for a nonprofit.
I am going. . .
Towards my future.



WRITER.
PUBLICIST.
BUSINESS OWNER.

♥

.iam.literally lovely.

This is ME!



.loving myself.



.Chilled.




.i.can.only.be.me.

What a Man Wants. . .[My Point of View]

GIRLS always think they are "what a man wants".
But How do you even know what he wants??
I ASK! & so should every other woman!

Say you check out this "bun joint" on Myspace or Facebook. You read his page, check out his picture & his comments. And from THAT you decide that you are "the one" for him. . .

But how do you really KNOW he wants you? You don't!
GIRLS often assume they know everything about men.
Just because you have dated too many guys to remember does NOT mean you know men.
And just because you have spread your legs a little too many times does NOT mean your shit is the best!

MEN want WOMEN.
BOYS want GIRLS.

Men want someone they can rely on. Someone that takes care of her responsibilities. And MOST IMPORTANTLY someone who can take care of their needs!
YES! I am a woman & I said it!
A real WOMAN needs to know how to take care of her mans needs.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm the fucking best but this is the truth!
Men need to be able to "fix" the problems quickly, eat GOOD, and be pleased.

So, What does a MAN need?

A WOMAN.

"Try Being A Lady" by Sista Queen

PREACH IT SISTA!

Thea Monyee' "Woman to Woman"

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THIS IS THE SHIT!

Daily Venting!

OK so. . .
1. DCPS- WTF is wrong with you?
Firing teachers you just hired, firing teachers that can teach, escorting teachers out my armed police officers. . . Tell me, is it that fucking serious?? NO! DCPS was fucked up when I graduated (08) but damn! Rhee & Fenty need to GO! Get the fuck out of here! .lol.

2. LADIES!!! You can not get mad at me if YOUR MAN is staring at me while he is with you! Obviously you don't have him under "control". And he obviously sees something on me that you don't have. This is NOT my fault! It's YOUR FAULT! If my man was checking out another chick while he was with me I would check her out too, find out what is is then tel him to go find someone with it! HOLLA!

3. IT IS NO LONGER SUMMER!
Booty shorts, t-shirt, sweater and uggs are not the "in" thing. YOU LOOK A MESS! Dress for the weather but REMEMBER:this is flu season.

4. With this H1N1 flu being added to the regular flu you would think people would be more cautious! Do not, DO NOT, cough in your hand then open the door or hold the pole on metro. That shit is nasty! And cover your damn mouths when you cough! Get some hand sanitizer! Tissue! DAMN!

5. I need something NEW! I want a new tattoo BUT im not stuck on a design yet so I'm waiting. Meanwhile I'm thinking about a nose ring but no one seems to think that fits me. . .maybe I'll just surprise EVERYONE and get something! :-)

Platic Surgery (Poem)

You think it but you don't say it...
I wish I had her hair
Her body
Her eyes
Her lips
I wish I were her
or maybe her...
Or maybe them both together...
Why wasn't I blessed with the "perks"?
How come they have it and I don't?
Why are they happy and I'm not?
Why curse me and not them?

Strip away my fake smile
Stomp on my supposed confidence
Give me her hair...
Her eyes....
Her lips...
Her body...
and her confidence
Then maybe just maybe I'll be able to smile and say yes..I'm happy to be me

Give to me what you gave to them.
Make me the one...
Bring in the plastic and wrap me mind body and soul.
Wait a few weeks...
Unwrap me
And look in awe as I smile and say...I'm happy to be me.
Well...I'm happy to be THEM....

Written on 12.24.08

Like a Beach Towel (Poem)

Lay me down in the sand
Cover my body with yours
Once you get up I feel relief
I'm hurting
But still alive
I lay there as you go to wet your body
Then you return
Recovering my body with yours
This time making me wet
But not the wet I wish to feel
Making me more uncomfortable than the first time
Repeating the process until I am almost one with the sand
AS the sky darkens you pick me up
Shank me out and throw me in a bag
Only to wash me and reuse me all over again

Don't treat me like your Beach Towel.

Written on 5.19.09

Moist.Soft.Wet (Poem)

I see you staring at them
Wishing you could taste them.
Feel the moist.
The softness
The joy.
Don't think I didn't see that smile.
That smirk you made when I ran my tongue across them.
Those dimples appeared out of nowhere!
You tried to hide it but you couldn't
Trust & believe I'm thinking the same thing.
Can't wait for mine to meet yours
For the heat to rise.

You wonder why they're so soft...
Because they are apart of me
My entire body feels the same.
And don't you wish you could feel the softness?
I know.
But not just yet
No touching.
No staring.
Just task a glance.
And maybe one day...
You'll get your chance

Your chance to slide into home plate
Feel the heat.
Touch the softness.
Enjoy the moistness.
And make me wet...

Now wouldn't you just love that?

Written on 5.13.09

Alone.Searching.Wanting.

So, I have come to the realization that there are wither no good men left or they are hiding from me. ::lol::

I have been single for almost a full year now. Not saying I "need" a relationship but who really wants to be alone??
I was fine with the random dates and crap at first but it gets old. Once you mature and began to live for the future your mind changes.
You think about "settling down".

Now I'm not talking marriage! Just consistence. One person that you know will be there, help you, love you...etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy being alone. But it's those times when you're extremely bored and home alone thinking, that you wish you had someone to text or call. That one person that will always text you back or answer your call, even when the "game" is on. . .

With all that said. . .why is it that there's is a serious shortage in good men?!?!

One dude lies.
Next dude just wants sex.
Another can't commit.
and the list goes on. . .

So, do I just have bad luck or is the world just fucked up?!?! ::lol::