Future StepMom

So, for the past year I have continuously dated guys that have 1-2 children.
Now this was NOT done intentionally!
It just happens.
All those years of me saying:
"I don't want to have kids, but I don't have a problem with them"
A conclusion has been forced into my life.
Marry someone that already has a child. . .
BUT, a few moths ago I decided that one day I MAY want to have kids. . .
But yet and still I have still been unable to avoid guys with children.
Now, don't get me wrong, I obviously don't have a problem with them having children
BUT!
It's a little WEIRD that I only seem to fall for the ones that do. . .
It could be the fact that I usually date older guys. . .
Or that some guys with children come to be more responsible and understanding of me having another life outside of them.
Or maybe I subconsciously date them because I really don't want to give birth but would like to have that responsibility.
I'm not sure what it s really.
BUT, I stopped fighting it a long time ago.

So, now my friends have begin to ask
"What kind of stepmother are you going to be"
Truthfully, I haven't put much thought into that part of my future but if it came down to it I think I would be a wonderful Stepmother! :-)

♥

.you. (Poem)

I awake and there you are.
Memories of the night before,
when we talked
we laughed
you slept :-)
I smiled.
Because of the image of you lying peaceful soothes my heart

My daily routine involves thoughts of you.
Texting you
Poking you.
wondering about you.
And why?
I'm not too sure yet.
Because so many times before I made the mistake of trusting
My heart doesn't want to ache
and with you I'm hoping
Because I feel something and you feeling something
So "we" should feel things together

And as I relax my body for the night I long for you
Sensual kisses and playful hugs
your smile.
But I settle for your voice.
A wonderful conversation about whatever crosses our minds
And I wait as you slip into your peaceful space.
And I retreat to mine with thoughts of you and what could possibly happen
And I wake. . .
to begin this process over again

♥

.Mrs.Complicated.

I don't know why I want this so much.
Don't know why it feels like a such a need.
To have someone to care.
To know someone is thinking of you.
To Love and be Loved back!
Why do I need this feeling to feel complete.
I hold onto every word hoping, wishing, wanting them to be true.
But all to many times they never were.
All too many times I grew angry.
And all too many times I was left alone.

And now. . .
After a year of hoping, wishing and wanting I decide to give up.
Stop caring.
Still wanting.
Stop dreaming.
Still thinking.
Stop giving.
Still hoping.

And you appear.
Now I'm back to square one.
Hoping, wishing, and wanting!
I do not want this feeling!
I do not need this right now!
I'm suppose to be focused!

And now.
I want this to be so much more than I know it is.

*sigh*

I Don't Give A Fuck

So, I'm sick and tired of CARING about what everyone else is doing with their life!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Why should I care what decisions everyone else is making about their lives?
I don't care if you drop out of school, have 3 kids, get on Welfare and live in the hood for the rest of YOUR LIFE!
It's YOUR LIFE not mine!
I say you make YOUR decisions. . .I'll make MY decisions and we will all life our own damn lives!

The problem with people today is that they care too much about what their friends are doing, saying, etc. Worry about your damn self! In reality, those same friends probably DON'T GIVE A FUCK what you are doing so. . .

point made.

So, think about what YOU want and need to succeed and let THEM think about their own damn lives!

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

♥

.past.present.future.[my year]

Back Track: 2008
1.School Sucked
2.Prom Sucked
3.Graduation Sucked
4.Summer Sucked
5.college didn't happen
6.Dudes Sucked in the worst way
Conclusion: 2008 SUCKED

Rewind Slightly: 2009 [my year]
1.School didn't work out
2.Work, didn't work out
3.Friendships didn't work out
4.Summer was cool.
5.College is cool
6.Dudes CONTINUE to SUCK.

Fast Forward: 2010
1.College will continue
2.Work shall get better
3.Driving shall began
4.Money will be saved
5.Moving HOPEFULLY
6.Dudes. . .who the fuck cares!

.THE.END.