.me.you.us.confused. (Poem)

Well, the year is coming to an end. These past few weeks have been "interesting". All these extra emotions have been feeling me up and knocking me around.
I want you.
I dont want you.
I want sex. '
I dont care about sex.
I want a relationship
I'm content with how things are
I'm mad I haven't seen you
I no longer care
This back & forth shit has been driving me crazy!
I was so damn confused! So, I started talking to my friends. And truth be told I thought I had made a big ass mistake! But I didn't.
People can always tell you something about yourself that you are either afraid to admit or unaware of about yourself.
I was afraid to admit that I'm tired of talking to multiple guys
I was afraid to admit that I'm tired of not having relationship consistancy.
I was afraid to admit that although I have talk to many guys none of them make me feel the way I feel now.
I was afraid to admit that something I feel is missing seems to be standing right in front of me but i cant touch it
Can't see it.
Can't hold it.
But I am no longer afraid. 
I'm more so confused.
Confused because I have bottled up emotions and you probably don't give a fuck!
Confused because sometimes I wanna believe everything you say
and other times. . . I just want you to say how you truly feel.

Being a female has sooo many ups and downs!
And I have to admit that although I can be a bitch,
I have a soft side when it comes to my heart
I don't like to be played with.
I don't want to be to be "that chick".
And truth be told. . .
I'm use to being at least #2 so change is different.
And I'm not willing to change and wait this out if you won't tell me whats going on.

#1 reason im a little upset. . . i like face to face contact.
No sexual things needed.
conversation. smiling. laughing.
thinking. . .
and if you can make me think then you can probably one day have my heart.
same time, you will probably be more likely to break it.

.confused.

.i.love.me.

So, my friends tend to think I'm a little too into myself sometimes.

THEY ARE RIGHT!

I LOVE ME!

Who better to love than yourself!

I love looking at myself.

Taking pictures of myself.

Thinking about myself.

Imagining my future self.

IT ALL ABOUT ME! lol

This is just [ME].

This is the [GOOFY] me

This is what [BOREDOM] does to me.

This is inspired by [Trey Songz]: I'm only [nasty] sometimes

.random.thoughts.

I always seem to have random thoughts. I tend to make them into facebook status' but I would like to remember them one day so. . .

December 18:

.::.and if i were in your arms i would feel much better. theres nothing like the touch of you. theres nothing more warm than your smile. and theres no greater feeling than feeling complete. and i am complete with you.::.

December 19:

.::.i just wanted to know if you cared. you made it perfectly clear that you dont. i guess its time for someone else. no worries, ill never forget you. but will get over you.::.

.::.no matter what or who u do or do not believe in, you will be tested in life. Overcoming the bad for the better of the good is the way you grow. and when you grow to love, you have overcome one of the best test of them all.::.

.::.she figured she could get you to stick around. but you decided that other things were above her. now shes with him. and ur looking back with regrets. don't let love leave u bcuz once shes gone she may not come back.::.

.::.and i could probably fall in love with you but you are making it hard. we all need attention and you are obviously getting yours elsewhere. i guess you just didnt have the balls to tell me the truth..::.

.::.ignoring someone and being preoccupied can have the same effect. explaining yourself a little may help if you aren't straying away intentionally.::.

December 20:

.::.and when you no longer have anyone you realize how much you needed that one person. im reality you may not love them anymore but that doesnt make your lonely go away. and when you finally move on to better you will realize its not the person but the comfort itself.::.

.conclusion:Lonely. (Poem)

It's like I'm missing something.
My mind cant focus.
My body is confused.
I am not me.
It's like something should be there but its not. . .
It's like I can see it,
taste it
hear it
but I can't touch it
Can't put a grip on it
Can't pull it close to my heart
Can't comfort it [me]

Lonely.

My mind wonders back to the last time I felt "complete"
The last time I didn't want the present to change
The last time I was not alone
My eyes long to stare into eyes
Eyes that needed to be stricken of their loneliness as well
Eyes that longed for my eyes
My body tosses, turned, shakes
Tossing away the covers because they aren't [it]
Turning over the pillows because they aren't [it]
Shaking away the last feelings of "complete"

I am Lonely.

My body can no longer save me.
No longer can my mind shield me
No longer can my eyes block away the obvious
No longer can I NOT feel.
No longer can I hold this composure
I can no longer be content with the way I am
The way [things] are.

I am Empty.

Feelng as if there is nothing left to give.
So much to recieve
Nothing left to feel
nothing left to touch
Nothing left to see
nothing left to hold onto

I am letting it go.

Letting go of bottled up emotions.
Feelings I want to feel but can't feel
Things I need to do but can't do
Words I need to say but can't say
Imagines I want to see but can't see

I am not [ME].

Hi. My name is Lonely

.you. [Part II]

I find it funny how things work out
I adopted this "i dont give a fuck" attitude months ago!
Because every time I began to get into my feelings flaws began to appear
He just wanted to fuck
He wanted to move to fast
He was controlling
He was. . .
Almost anything you could think of I have encountered in this past year.

And then. . .YOU come along
And trust and believe I tried HARD to find the flaws before they found me.
I asked everything
Said random things
Just to see what you would do or say
My friends keep telling me not to let those of the past hurt my future
But its hard.
So I settled for finding things to be mad about.
And that didn't go too well. . .
I should slap myself!

Truth be told I'm not sure where this is going
No lie, i would usually just say "fuck it"
I threw out every HINT possible!
And I thought you wanted the same thing I wanted but now. . .
I'm not too sure about that
Maybe you're scared like I am but I'm always up for a new challenge
My heart has so many cracks and bruises that one more won't really change anything.
If you hurt me. . .I will get over it
But when I say it feels different I do mean that
I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't
I just want the chance to show you that I'm not "her" or "HeR" or any of the other females you previously messed with
And if you don't want what I want then I want you to tell me that.
I'm not saying that I will stray because I'm content
At the same time I want to know where if anywhere this is going

I'm impatient.

I want you all to myself.
And if I can't have you then I would like to know that
Besides, theres no reason for either of us to be in the blind about things
Right?

Ok. :-)

Now. . .Time to study for my math final

<3

.Beyond.This. (Poem)

I sit and I listen
I sit and I read
I sit and I give advice
To this mediocre problems those around me seem to be having
These little ass things I would die to be going through instead of what I have went through.
These little ass things you need to just suck up or DO SOMETHING about.
These little ass things that are starting to annoy me.

I'm a good friend.

So. . .
I listen.
I give advice.

But
In the back of my mind I'm thinking. . .
WTF?
Are you serious?

Maybe because my pain was on a larger scale and I can no longer see these things as a problem.
I'm beyond these things but I can't fault my friends
I can't NOT be there for them because of my personal feelings
But sometimes. . .
I WISH, they could see things the way I see it.
See that there are so many things Beyond This to worry about.
So many worse things that could be going wrong.

And maybe because I have grown to just get over the little things.
Not saying i don't get mad
frustrated
anger!
even irritated at times
I DO!
All the time!
But then I think back to where I was a few months back.
What I was going through,
how I felt,
how I had no one
And then I see where I am now and where I want to be

And I am
Beyond This!

Beyond these mediocre problems of the world.
Beyond the. . .
I need new shoes
She is pissing me off
My mom will be mad
blah.blah.blah

Onto the. . .
I just want to be happy.

Because in reality your personal happiness is all that matters
When you begin to let the outside things take over your insides
YOU FALL.
And I am not willing to fall again!

So, I am Beyond This.

.[My].Protectors. (Poem)

Armed with extreme mental and physical strength,
They protect "Red".
Protect Red from the things she fears.
The things she could never face and fight on her own.

My Monster of Love, Beauty and Eternal Youth
-Protecting Red from being heartbroken but at the same time preventing her from opening up and letting someone care for her.
-Protecting Red from seeing her outside flaws as a problem but at the same time causing her to seem slightly conceited
-Protecting Red from growing up too fast but at the same time allowing her to mature into a beautiful woman.

My Monster of Music:
-Protecting Red from stress by allowing music to take over her mind and body. relaxing her to a state of happiness whenever needed.

My Monster of War:
-Protecting Red from the unnecessary violence in the word by encouraging her to be better than those who look to violence and preventing them from getting too close.

My Monster of wisdom:
-Protecting Red from those that wish to overcome her mind. Allowing her to think for herself and help those around her.

My Monsters all have significant roles. Inspired by my current and hopefully future "relaxation" and the Greek Gods/Goddesses; they band together to protect my heart, mind and my body from the things I fear the most. My Monster of Love has the hardest job because I found myself in lust many times and ended up being hurt. Now she must protect my heart from receiving any more cracks, scrapes and bruises.
Together, my Monsters have kept me from being hurt in many ways but they have also been preventing me from being able to open my heart. They may be physically strong but it is their mentality outsiders must worry about.

Best way to out smart My monsters:
-Appreciate that I can think and do for myself.
-Protect me when needed but know that I can fight my own battles.
-Engage me in Music that I love and relate to.
And finally, to out smart My Monster of Love, Beauty and Eternal Youth
-Allow me to be the woman I want to be while still knowing that I am a work in progress.
-Know that I have flaws like everyone else but they do not make me who I am.
-Win my heart. (Easier said than done)

.Love.

What is Love?
This is a question we all ponder at some point in our lives.

The Dictionary has MANY definitions of Love (noun):
-a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
-a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
-sexual passion or desire.
-strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything
[these are only a few definitions]

There is so much to Love. But who you Love has a different meaning to me. It's about caring for a person deeply. Whether it be a family member, friend, or lover. It's about being worried when that person is in harms way. Being happy for that persons accomplishments. Understanding that person from the inside-out.

Who do you Love?

Let Go, Let Be

In the process of growing up and maturing into a better woman I have gained a new MOTTO!

Let go, and Let Be.

This can be interpreted differently for each individual person but for me it means:
Let Go: Meaning to relax and release your emotional fears.
Let Be: Meaning to allow your life to take its own course, mistakes and all.

There were times when I bottled up emotions and hated every mistake I ever made!
And I'm not sure when I came to the conclusion that I was holding myself back. . .
I realized that I couldn't continue to cry and feel sorry for myself. I realized that I was turning into a person I didn't want to be come. And I realized that I would never be happy if things didn't change.
These realizations came over time. After many obstacles and setbacks. After many mistakes and self analyzing I realized I could never be the "perfect" person was trying to be. I could never live up to the "hype". And I could never be anyone but who I wanted to be.

Once you reach this type of conclusion in your life things change. My mind set grew to be more focused and goal oriented. I opened up from my shyness and took on tasks I wouldn't normally take up. I am nowhere near where I want to be in the long run but I am making progress at my own pace.

For now I will

Let Go, and Let Be.

Future StepMom

So, for the past year I have continuously dated guys that have 1-2 children.
Now this was NOT done intentionally!
It just happens.
All those years of me saying:
"I don't want to have kids, but I don't have a problem with them"
A conclusion has been forced into my life.
Marry someone that already has a child. . .
BUT, a few moths ago I decided that one day I MAY want to have kids. . .
But yet and still I have still been unable to avoid guys with children.
Now, don't get me wrong, I obviously don't have a problem with them having children
BUT!
It's a little WEIRD that I only seem to fall for the ones that do. . .
It could be the fact that I usually date older guys. . .
Or that some guys with children come to be more responsible and understanding of me having another life outside of them.
Or maybe I subconsciously date them because I really don't want to give birth but would like to have that responsibility.
I'm not sure what it s really.
BUT, I stopped fighting it a long time ago.

So, now my friends have begin to ask
"What kind of stepmother are you going to be"
Truthfully, I haven't put much thought into that part of my future but if it came down to it I think I would be a wonderful Stepmother! :-)

♥

.you. (Poem)

I awake and there you are.
Memories of the night before,
when we talked
we laughed
you slept :-)
I smiled.
Because of the image of you lying peaceful soothes my heart

My daily routine involves thoughts of you.
Texting you
Poking you.
wondering about you.
And why?
I'm not too sure yet.
Because so many times before I made the mistake of trusting
My heart doesn't want to ache
and with you I'm hoping
Because I feel something and you feeling something
So "we" should feel things together

And as I relax my body for the night I long for you
Sensual kisses and playful hugs
your smile.
But I settle for your voice.
A wonderful conversation about whatever crosses our minds
And I wait as you slip into your peaceful space.
And I retreat to mine with thoughts of you and what could possibly happen
And I wake. . .
to begin this process over again

♥

.Mrs.Complicated.

I don't know why I want this so much.
Don't know why it feels like a such a need.
To have someone to care.
To know someone is thinking of you.
To Love and be Loved back!
Why do I need this feeling to feel complete.
I hold onto every word hoping, wishing, wanting them to be true.
But all to many times they never were.
All too many times I grew angry.
And all too many times I was left alone.

And now. . .
After a year of hoping, wishing and wanting I decide to give up.
Stop caring.
Still wanting.
Stop dreaming.
Still thinking.
Stop giving.
Still hoping.

And you appear.
Now I'm back to square one.
Hoping, wishing, and wanting!
I do not want this feeling!
I do not need this right now!
I'm suppose to be focused!

And now.
I want this to be so much more than I know it is.

*sigh*

I Don't Give A Fuck

So, I'm sick and tired of CARING about what everyone else is doing with their life!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Why should I care what decisions everyone else is making about their lives?
I don't care if you drop out of school, have 3 kids, get on Welfare and live in the hood for the rest of YOUR LIFE!
It's YOUR LIFE not mine!
I say you make YOUR decisions. . .I'll make MY decisions and we will all life our own damn lives!

The problem with people today is that they care too much about what their friends are doing, saying, etc. Worry about your damn self! In reality, those same friends probably DON'T GIVE A FUCK what you are doing so. . .

point made.

So, think about what YOU want and need to succeed and let THEM think about their own damn lives!

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

♥

.past.present.future.[my year]

Back Track: 2008
1.School Sucked
2.Prom Sucked
3.Graduation Sucked
4.Summer Sucked
5.college didn't happen
6.Dudes Sucked in the worst way
Conclusion: 2008 SUCKED

Rewind Slightly: 2009 [my year]
1.School didn't work out
2.Work, didn't work out
3.Friendships didn't work out
4.Summer was cool.
5.College is cool
6.Dudes CONTINUE to SUCK.

Fast Forward: 2010
1.College will continue
2.Work shall get better
3.Driving shall began
4.Money will be saved
5.Moving HOPEFULLY
6.Dudes. . .who the fuck cares!

.THE.END.

.them.and.me.

So, I'm not going to say NAMES but I will say nicknames or initials.
The following is the reason why I feel like I can't move on. . .

It all begins with "teeny tiny". [my 1st]
So, we were cool. Talked off & on, decided to chill. Truth be told I pegged dude for being "the bait". But clothes off pants down. . .you get the nickname now? .lol.
So I was mad surprised when I ended up with a [surprise] and he flipped the script on me. .BLOWER. That effected me for about 2months then I [fixed] it and kept it moving. no harsh feelings.
------
Now we move on to "Mr. CoCo". [would have married]
He's the most [known] out of all the others. Truly thought he was [mr. perfect]. I must have been lusting over dude since I met him but there was nothing serious. He was on & off with his gf and finally they broke up. We'd been cool for a while but I wanted more. . .he will return later.
------
Then, there is the "military guy". [needed to read the BOOK, not just the cover]
Talk about WEIRD! So fucking controlling! Now, I thought he was different at first. He was independent, had his shit together but DAMN. Dude was trying to wife me after one meet and greet. After being around him I realized I wasn't as attracted to him as I thought and moved on. But he didn't! he would randomly call me off and on for months. I guess he finally got the picture but who is to say he won't call again?
------
And we come to. . ."K". [my 2nd]
He never needed a nickname. He had just about everything I wanted in a guy (so i thought). Good job, apartment, car, etc. He was so sweet. We weren't a couple but no one would think we weren't. This went on for weeks. He even met and chilled with 2 of my close friends but I'm not even sure WHY we stopped talking. I mean if I cook & clean and you're not even my dude I deserve an explanation!
------
Now there's "TJ". [total FLIP of the SCRIPT]
He finally gets over me being a "youngin" and we go out like twice a week for a few weeks. He texts me all day everyday. He even calls. . .wow. Gives off that "caring" appeal and everything seems to be cool. Even my friends thought he would be around for a while BUT no. . .another FLIP of the SCRIPT. You really expected me to be sexually experienced after what I told you?? Dude THINK please! .BLOWER.
------
Then we get back to "Mr. CoCo".
Now why oh why did I even overstep the friend line?? We we cool being just friends then we decided to "chill" alone. MISTAKE. Even with the little we did nothing went back to the same. he made things awkward! And then we stopped talking. . .WTF is that about?? .ugh.
------
Now, last but not least is "Mr. Prezident". [would've married #2]
Pre-med student. Works. Personality on POINT! Now, this one was a complete BLOWER. I mean everything was going good. Real chill. Then he starts acting different. Not returning txt and calls so I give him the [treatment] and he doesn't past. A month later he [explains] saying he just needed to slow down. . .and you couldn't explain that before? WTF. You don't just cut people off because of that! .smh.
------
So that leads us to THE PRESENT.
I'm not saying I blame everything on .them. but who else is there to partially blame? I really don't understand what keeps happening and WHY it's happening to me! Before .them. there was "S". But I mean after a year we really just grew apart. And now we're close friends. So now, I can't really fade the "casual" relationship thing. I like to be content and constant. I just need one person. Is that too much to ask? And now there's "M" but I'm not even trying to go there because like all those before, he seems [too good to be true] and 'm not trying to go through another [FLIP of the SCRIPT]!

WHY ME??

Jealous Bitches! [VENTING]

Ok, so I KNOW I have been jealous before and will probably be jealous again.
That's Life!
But why are bitches always hating?!?!
I mean damn can I enjoy my glory without your fucking comments and shit?!?!
DAMN!
Now, if you knew you were already jealous then don't keep asking about the shit
I mean DAMN! lol

So, tired of bitches asking questions then trying to act like they don't care when they jealous!
I mean if you jealous then keep your fucking mouth shut!

And don't let it be about a dude I had that they wanted. Or the dude liked me and didn't like them. . .
WE are suppose to stick together!
Dudes are not suppose to be the cause of female conflict!
COME ON BITCH HE DONT WANT YOU!
GET OVER IT!

LLS.

♥

Goodbye. (Poem)

I believed you where what I wanted, needed and longed for
I believed you could be my everything
I believed you would one day open up and realize that I belonged to you
I believed we were meant to be
I believed WRONG.

All the thoughts
the dreams
the emotions
the poems
the feelings
the time
my time wasted
your time never really there.
my mind wondering
your mind focusing elsewhere

I believed you would be my everything.
I believed wrong.
I believed we could be together despite our different stages in life
I believed wrong.

Now I'm not sure if I believed any of it at all.
Not sure if I ever really cared as much as I thought.
Not sure if you ever really cared at all.

I am now saying goodbye.

To the memories of us.
You. Her. Me. Talking. Texting. Staring. Wondering.
LUSTING because it was never truly love.

I'm not saying I will ever forget but I will move on.
No regrets.

You went left.
I choose to stand in the middle and wait for your return but not anymore.
I'm going right.
And hopefully when we meet up again in the future my feelings will have evolved into LOVE for another.
LOVE so strong that I won't have to even wonder what it would have been like with you.

Goodbye Mr. CoCo.

♥
10.25.09

Back to ME!

So a lot of people LOVE my short cut.
They LOVE the "natural" look. . .it was a PERM people! .smh. lls
But ME. . .i like to be able to just GO!
I don't want to have to worry about if my hair is going to "work" today.
Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the short cut for the time it lasted BUT I had to go back to ME!

They call me the "WEAVE QUEEN".
IM BACK!!!

So, for now, until my hair grows to a point where I can maintain it myself without a perm. . .IM WEAVED UP!! :-)

Daily Venting!

Alrighty!!!
Back to this DAILY VENTING!

So, my 8am class was canceled for the day and I left out later so I could get to my 9:30 a few minutes early. METRO had delays. BUT, I got to class just in time. Class went ok then I went to get lunch in the caf and realized I had only put on one earring. LOL.
That was basically the end of the bad part.

Moving on. . .

So, I understand that most people have people that they will look up to and what not but DO NOT "become" that person! Be YOU!

Moving on. . .

I'm going back to my BRAIDS! EXTRA EXTRA HAPPY!
Going to rally up some new bait this weekend. lls

Done.♥

Future Plans

I sit and I think. . .
About my future
All the things I want to accomplish.
All the places I want to see.
All the people I wish to meet.
Who I am now. What I do now. Where I go now.
Will determine my future
I am a WRITER. aspiring PUBLICIST. future BUSINESS OWNER.
I go to school. I work for a nonprofit.
I am going. . .
Towards my future.



WRITER.
PUBLICIST.
BUSINESS OWNER.

♥

.iam.literally lovely.

This is ME!



.loving myself.



.Chilled.




.i.can.only.be.me.

What a Man Wants. . .[My Point of View]

GIRLS always think they are "what a man wants".
But How do you even know what he wants??
I ASK! & so should every other woman!

Say you check out this "bun joint" on Myspace or Facebook. You read his page, check out his picture & his comments. And from THAT you decide that you are "the one" for him. . .

But how do you really KNOW he wants you? You don't!
GIRLS often assume they know everything about men.
Just because you have dated too many guys to remember does NOT mean you know men.
And just because you have spread your legs a little too many times does NOT mean your shit is the best!

MEN want WOMEN.
BOYS want GIRLS.

Men want someone they can rely on. Someone that takes care of her responsibilities. And MOST IMPORTANTLY someone who can take care of their needs!
YES! I am a woman & I said it!
A real WOMAN needs to know how to take care of her mans needs.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm the fucking best but this is the truth!
Men need to be able to "fix" the problems quickly, eat GOOD, and be pleased.

So, What does a MAN need?

A WOMAN.

"Try Being A Lady" by Sista Queen

PREACH IT SISTA!

Thea Monyee' "Woman to Woman"

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THIS IS THE SHIT!

Daily Venting!

OK so. . .
1. DCPS- WTF is wrong with you?
Firing teachers you just hired, firing teachers that can teach, escorting teachers out my armed police officers. . . Tell me, is it that fucking serious?? NO! DCPS was fucked up when I graduated (08) but damn! Rhee & Fenty need to GO! Get the fuck out of here! .lol.

2. LADIES!!! You can not get mad at me if YOUR MAN is staring at me while he is with you! Obviously you don't have him under "control". And he obviously sees something on me that you don't have. This is NOT my fault! It's YOUR FAULT! If my man was checking out another chick while he was with me I would check her out too, find out what is is then tel him to go find someone with it! HOLLA!

3. IT IS NO LONGER SUMMER!
Booty shorts, t-shirt, sweater and uggs are not the "in" thing. YOU LOOK A MESS! Dress for the weather but REMEMBER:this is flu season.

4. With this H1N1 flu being added to the regular flu you would think people would be more cautious! Do not, DO NOT, cough in your hand then open the door or hold the pole on metro. That shit is nasty! And cover your damn mouths when you cough! Get some hand sanitizer! Tissue! DAMN!

5. I need something NEW! I want a new tattoo BUT im not stuck on a design yet so I'm waiting. Meanwhile I'm thinking about a nose ring but no one seems to think that fits me. . .maybe I'll just surprise EVERYONE and get something! :-)

Platic Surgery (Poem)

You think it but you don't say it...
I wish I had her hair
Her body
Her eyes
Her lips
I wish I were her
or maybe her...
Or maybe them both together...
Why wasn't I blessed with the "perks"?
How come they have it and I don't?
Why are they happy and I'm not?
Why curse me and not them?

Strip away my fake smile
Stomp on my supposed confidence
Give me her hair...
Her eyes....
Her lips...
Her body...
and her confidence
Then maybe just maybe I'll be able to smile and say yes..I'm happy to be me

Give to me what you gave to them.
Make me the one...
Bring in the plastic and wrap me mind body and soul.
Wait a few weeks...
Unwrap me
And look in awe as I smile and say...I'm happy to be me.
Well...I'm happy to be THEM....

Written on 12.24.08

Like a Beach Towel (Poem)

Lay me down in the sand
Cover my body with yours
Once you get up I feel relief
I'm hurting
But still alive
I lay there as you go to wet your body
Then you return
Recovering my body with yours
This time making me wet
But not the wet I wish to feel
Making me more uncomfortable than the first time
Repeating the process until I am almost one with the sand
AS the sky darkens you pick me up
Shank me out and throw me in a bag
Only to wash me and reuse me all over again

Don't treat me like your Beach Towel.

Written on 5.19.09

Moist.Soft.Wet (Poem)

I see you staring at them
Wishing you could taste them.
Feel the moist.
The softness
The joy.
Don't think I didn't see that smile.
That smirk you made when I ran my tongue across them.
Those dimples appeared out of nowhere!
You tried to hide it but you couldn't
Trust & believe I'm thinking the same thing.
Can't wait for mine to meet yours
For the heat to rise.

You wonder why they're so soft...
Because they are apart of me
My entire body feels the same.
And don't you wish you could feel the softness?
I know.
But not just yet
No touching.
No staring.
Just task a glance.
And maybe one day...
You'll get your chance

Your chance to slide into home plate
Feel the heat.
Touch the softness.
Enjoy the moistness.
And make me wet...

Now wouldn't you just love that?

Written on 5.13.09

Alone.Searching.Wanting.

So, I have come to the realization that there are wither no good men left or they are hiding from me. ::lol::

I have been single for almost a full year now. Not saying I "need" a relationship but who really wants to be alone??
I was fine with the random dates and crap at first but it gets old. Once you mature and began to live for the future your mind changes.
You think about "settling down".

Now I'm not talking marriage! Just consistence. One person that you know will be there, help you, love you...etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy being alone. But it's those times when you're extremely bored and home alone thinking, that you wish you had someone to text or call. That one person that will always text you back or answer your call, even when the "game" is on. . .

With all that said. . .why is it that there's is a serious shortage in good men?!?!

One dude lies.
Next dude just wants sex.
Another can't commit.
and the list goes on. . .

So, do I just have bad luck or is the world just fucked up?!?! ::lol::

i am Literally Lovely