And I [Part III] (Poem)

And I have never done this before
Never waited.
Never wanted to wait.
Never felt has if I should wait.

And I have never been put in this mood before
Never felt confused and happy all at once.
Never cared when they didn't care back.
Never smiled for no apparent reason. . .

And I may never get what I want from this
Never care any more than I do
Never be cared for at all
Never feel anything more than what I feel now

And I'm ok with that
Because they always leave
Because they can never be faithful
Because they care to much about the game

And I have learned that. . .
They always regret leaving me
They all eventually know they missed out
They will mature and look bad with sadden eyes

And I now know that. . .
I have to let my past go.
I have to be happy NOW
I have to look forward with my head held high

And I am currently smiling
And I will soon frown
And I will one day smile again

And I am strong
And I am willing
And I will one day Love again.
And I [may be] loved again. . .

Written on January 24, 2010

The Black Man

This post is inspired by two things:

1. Black History Month (BHM)

2. John Mayer's Recent Interview 

Let me start off by saying I am a Proud Black Woman!

But as a a proud black woman I feel that it is my "duty" to speak my mind on these issues!

Let's start with BHM. 

Why do we need a MONTH to celebrate our heritage? 

Why do we only appreciate those that fought for use for 28-30 days a year?

Why can't we celebrate at ANY given time of the year?

Black people constantly complain about the "white man" keeping them down. Well guess what! BHM was created by the WHITE MAN! You are embracing his beliefs of what we are worth when you only celebrate for this one month! And then you constantly complain about how he is controlling your life! You [BLACK MAN] are allowing him to control your life!
I'm tired of black people hiding behind the "slave days"! We have had too many chances to better ourselves and overcome these stereotypes but have we? NO! We so busy worried about the "white man" and what white people think about us to come together and push FORWARD! So don't tell me about the "white man" keeping you down because its the BLACK MAN.
Blacks always want to "embrace" their heritage for BMH and "hate" people that call them niggers but they damage their own heritage doing dumb shit! This world doesn't owe us shit! You have to make a life for yourself! Make people see that we are not the dirt they think we are! I BLAME IGNORANT BLACK PEOPLE for the hassles we go through in life not the "white man".

Now onto John Mayer 

Personally, I'm not mad at the man. Sure he said "nigger" but so fucking what! If he was a BLACK MAN and said it no one would think twice! Fuck no one would think once!

And why are black people mad about this quote:

"My dick is sort of like a white supremacist."

I thought the shit was funny! lls.

So his dick likes white women over black women. . .

He is NOT the only person who feels this way! But because he is a "celebrity" we think he doesn't have the "right" to feel this way? He is HUMAN and he has the right to say whatever the fuck he wants and feel exactly as he pleases! We always say we wish celebrities would show who they really are and HE DID! So why are we mad? 

Is it because he is a white man and said nigger? If black people want everyone to stop saying it then they need to stop embracing the shit! Fuck Eminem is white and he has said nigger! Oh but because he raps instead of play the guitar its ok? Talk about a fucking double standard! 

Or maybe it's because its BHM and he said it. . .

So should we get mad at the black man that only dates white women but still says nigger?

Just leave this man alone!  

Its his dick and he cant fuck who he pleases with it!

You want to know how I [a proud black woman] feels?

Fuck the BLACK MAN & the "white man" because I'm my own WOMAN!

I'm not blaming no one for my faults but my damn self and everyone else needs to do the same.

That is all (-:
♥

She is My .SoulMate. (Poem)

i met her briefly while in elementary school
but I wasn't ready for her
didn't need her
she was too complicated
But she came back to me when i was 12.
snuck up behind me one day massaged my temples
made me think
made me smile
made me feel loved
made me feel new
and she has never left me

and only she [my soulmate]
will ever understand me
the only one that will ever truly see into me
because she never once judged me
never once hated me
never once looked down upon me
she sees me for who i am
what i am
what i can do
she sees me through more than eyes

and i love her
flaws and all
and she loves me
flaws and all
and i will never turn my back on her
and she will never leave me stranded
no matter what happens
she will be there
holding my mind
holding my hand
holding me together
keeping me sane
locking me in
stroking my ego
and massaging me mind

and im so happy that i have her
because without her. . .
i may not be a live
you see she saved me just in time
just before i made that wrong turn
just has i missed that one step
just as that trouble came upon me
it was her
only her
that kept me from doing those things i thought of
kept me from regretting
kept me whole

and i love her.
she is my soulmate

Her name. . .

.Poetry.

2.7.10

Letting it Out!

There are so many things going through my mind right now about HIM. And this is pissing me off because this isn't like me at all! And truthfully I don't really mind moving slow if I'm not the only one putting in effort and that's not the case. I'm starting to feel like he may just be holding on to me because he knows that he can. And THAT is not going to happen. I'm not saying I can just kick him to the curb because I do have feelings invested but at the same time I'm not going to set myself up. 

The fact that he can indirectly tell me, after 3months, that he can't make time for me because he's "making moves" got me THINKING! And this thinking isn't good at all. One side: I'm just not use to being the center of attention; this is true but I have dealt with it before. On the other end: maybe I'm over-thinking as always. I don't care if both of these are true! I don't deal certain types of rejection well and this is one of those types. In my eyes, hes saying "you really dont matter" or "your just someone that's around" 

FUCK THAT.

Yes I am irritated and I will probably battle back & forth with my emotions but I'm deciding. . .

right here

right now

this is just another "experience" and it will probably past like all the other "experiences" i been through.

I seriously thought I was making positive upward changes with guys. . .FAIL. 

I think I'll just let my emotions simmer. Maybe make some "moves" of my own and see how things go. 

Not what I want but we all have to do things we don't want some times.

♥